what is wrong with people (men)?
honestly boys, if you want to pick up a girl, i suggest you avoid insulting her. and i'm not talking about your obvious "lay off the cheese fries, cow" type of insult. i'm talking about those backhanded insults that you think you can pass off as compliments. i'm about to tell you the #1 insult that guys think is a compliment. i feel that it is so much more damaging to my ego than anything else, because this is actually something guys say. it really only serves to make a girl feel self conscious and shitty, but i suspect that guys truly think they are helping you out when they tell you this...
"you aren't self confident enough..."
this is usually followed by "... for someone so pretty/smart/sexy/etc." the minute that this flies carelessly out of your mouth, i'm done. i'll leave that conversation feeling so down about the fact that i come off as lacking confidence. it really is a sad cycle. low self-esteem leads you to say that, which then leads to lower self-esteem. i know that no (sane) guy would ever say something like "have you ever considered rhinoplasty?" or "you should think about hitting the gym more often," but guys think that by telling you that you should be more confident, they are building your confidence. why not leave out the first part and leave in the 2nd? if you think i am pretty/smart/sexy, then just say that.
furthermore, have you ever met a girl who thought she was as pretty/smart/sexy as you thought she was? probably not. everyone has shitty self esteem. it's a fact of life. that doesn't mean that we hate ourselves... at least not all of us. i happen to actually believe that i am intelligent, funny and somewhat entertaining. looks wise, i am aware that some guys find me attractive... but i'm not so vain to think that all guys do. people have different tastes. i'm not always pleased by my appearance, but i'm not always upset with it either. i think my level of self-confidence is pretty standard in that respect.
what do you expect from us girls? we're just as vulnerable and insecure as you.
readers... please comment!
posted by Keeta @ 10:28 AM
2 Comments:
thank you very much, rec. do i know you? could i possibly have a random reader? christy, zach, karen, jay & mark are the only ones who i ever thought looked at this.
A buddy of mine recently told me "you will never succeed with a girl who has more confidence then you do." Not really sure how to take that.
I like your point. It is interesting to see HOW dangerous backhanded compliments can be. I would not say such a thing simply because it is a cheese-ball thing to say. Didn't occur to me that it would insult the other person.
I don't think that insecurity is a fact of life. I don't think that people should relish in their flaws (yes, I know this is me talking), but I think most people are confident about SOMETHING. Trick is to find what that is and run with it.
Anyway, thanks for the tip. If you feel like imparting any other words of wisdom on how to "pick up a girl", please share. I can use all the ehlp I can get now.
:-)
- Jay
Post a Comment
<< Home