my grandmother always said, "you can stand anything as long as you know it will end." i tend to think this is true, however my grandmother also said, "only mexicans wear white after labor day." so... that combined with the feeling that the next 21 work hours may break me is starting to make me really question grandma's wisdom.
it is really hard to do this job with one foot out the door. on the one hand, i don't fucking care. i'm extremely tempted to blow off any and all responsibility. i've pretty much handled everything through friday. after that... the chips will fall where they may, and i'll be in vegas with actualy chips hopefully falling into my pokect aces. the problem is that my boss keeps asking me to do things, and i'm such a FUCKING NICE PERSON that i guilt myself into doing whatever he has asked. i'm angry enough that i really only do any of these things with a half-assed effort, but i've come to realize that my half-assed effort is about 250% times better than the general public's full-assed effort.
seriously. did you know that there is an army of idiots out there who make the world spin round? it really didn't occur to me just how superior i am. now that i have figured it out, everything makes much more sense. i mean, i can totally see why i have been, for the most part, depressed and pissed off about my life. and here i was in therapy, blaming my father (actually... i don't want to back off on that just yet, we can all agree he's an asshole), and wondering, "why aren't i happy?"
well, DUHHHHH! what reason do i have to be happy with my career? it fucking blows! i'm someone's office bitch! they stick me in a cubicle and slap down a glowing screen in front of me, and i'm supposed to be content? i mean, how could i? we're firewalled.
anyway - yesterday my stepmother (via email) asked me probably the worst questions i could conceive of at this point. #1 being, "so what are you going to do now?" and #2 being, "what size are you wearing these days?"
#1 - "whatever i feel like, GOSH!"
#2 - "fuck you."
i actually chose not to respond, but it just occurred to me that i should consider responding with, "does buying children fill the empty hole in your heart?"
i don't know what i'm going to do... but it isn't this. for the time being, i'm going to mooch off my boyfriend and make it worth his while. i'll never be too tired to cook dinner, clean the house or attend to my other "wifely duties." i'll be organizing all the bills, picking up the puppy's poop, getting some daily exercise, and flexing my online hold'em muscles. when he gets home, the lights will be on, my latest culinary experiment be warm and i will be waiting. i think it is the least i could do for someone who has given me the opportunity to find myself.
