freakin' on: what ails ya

i'm a bad patient. no, a terrible patient. so bear with me while i complain about how sick i am. i'm freakin' sick. everything hurts. i'm hot with goosebumps and freezing while sweating. i can't breath through my nose and when i breath through my mouth my chest rattles and i fall into a coughing fit. it really freakin' sucks. i showered today, but i feel like i haven't bathed in a week. what i'd like to do is just take nyquil for like 24 hours straight because i can't stand the speediness of non-drowsy cold medication. it makes me feel psychotic. kind of like red bull and vodka but with less smiling and more echoing inside your head.

like i said... i'm a bad patient. just be glad i'm not puking.

freakin' on: forgetfulness

my grandmother is beginning to show signs of dimentia, and my mom is starting to repeat herself. not a lot, but just enough that i notice.

last week my therapist told me that i have to start writing stuff down. you know how in school you kept homework journal's to record your assignments? the only reason i did it was because ours required a signature from a parent. once i graduated past that point in my academic career, i never kept another homework journal. i stored all my assignments in my head. the only time i forgot something was probably in college, spring semester senior year, during my weather, climate and society class. at that point i couldn't give a crap about gen ed classes and refused to put much mental effort into it.

the problem is that now i am starting to forget stuff. mostly appointment times. i remember that i have an engagement, but the time i'm supposed to show up is somewhat fuzzy. this is very upsetting to me, even though i remember correctly most of the time. anyway, i guess i'm supposed to write these things down like a normal person, but i really like having a homework journal in my head.

yesterday i thought of something really good to blog about while i was cooking, but i can't remember what it is now. in lieu of that, i'll tell you about the dream i had last night.

i was in a plane full of strangers. there was a little girl sitting next to me. suddenly the engines cut off and the plane took a nose dive. i guess this is where i would have had that falling sensation you have in dreams, except i was too focused on the little girl. in a split second i recognized that she didn't have her seat belt on. i grabbed her around the waist with my left arm and clung for dear life as we plummeted towards the ground. i then experienced a series of thoughts. at first i was resisting what was happening, panicking and thinking that i didn't want to die. then i made peace with it, because i could do nothing to prevent the plane from crashing. as i became okay with my own death, i started worrying about the little girl. she was dangling below me as i had her around the waist. she wasn't freaking out or anything, but i tried to say some things to her to ease her mind. i don't remember what it was. my next thought was that although i was okay with dying, i was really sad about my mom. i thought about how upset she would be. i then started to think about how gil would feel, and at that very moment the engine's kicked back on and the plane leveled out.

in the end it turned out that the pilot actually shut off the plane by accident. i then had a vision of this random guy in the cockpit pulling the wrong lever and then having to fix his fatal mistake in the middle of a free fall and a plane full of screaming passengers. i wasn't even mad... i was IMPRESSED!!!

freakin' on: soup

PSA: if you are trying to recreate the sweet and sour cabbage soup from jerry's deli, this recipe works pretty well. even if you use a roast instead of flanken.

freakin' on: luck o' the irish

for my impromptu st. patrick's day party i have purchased almost 9lbs of corned beef, 10 lbs of potatoes and 3 large heads of cabbage. it is way too much food for the amount of people we are expecting, but i'd rather be embarassed by overdoing it than by running out of food. plus this leaves the door open for days of reuben sandwiches and corned beef hash. i also bought a green tablecloth, some cardboard shamrock cutouts and some sparkly shamrock confetti. what can i say? my mom is an elementary school teacher.

freakin' on: dirty old men

there's this older "gentleman" that works out at my gym. actually, most of the gentleman that work out there are older. i've overheard many interesting conversations, learned that this guy's wife died recently, that guy had open heart surgery a while back, another guy is about to have knee surgery, etc. most of these guys are in phenomenal shape for their ages. case in point, there's a certain guy who is 77 years old. that's 2 years younger than my grandmother, and she had a wheelchair delivered to her house today. at 77, this guy is buff. he's extremely short, but he has bulging chest and arm muscles. i think of popeye when i see him because his forearms are really big and he has some nautical tattoos.

anyway, this guy always finds a way to come over and talk to me at the gym. i really have no idea why. when i'm working out, i'm fairly certain i give off a look-at-me-and-you're-dead kind of vibe. i guess he isn't very perceptive. he wears one of those muscle beach-type of tank tops when he exercises and once came up to me asking me to sign a petition that would require all the women at the gym to wear said tank tops. yesterday he comes up to me and goes, "so these two ladies and two men are playing golf." at this point i thought he must be suffering from senior dimentia, but then he keeps going and tells a joke involving one of the ladies massaging one of the guys' balls. i laugh politely and uncomfortably excuse myself. i was taught to respect my elders. what's a girl to do?

freakin' on: ouch

holy crap! i am so sore today. the kind of sore where you can't lower yourself to the toilet seat without bracing yourself against the wall. i can't remember what exercise did it yesterday, but my freakin abs hurt way down deep. it is quite uncomfortable, but really great at the same time.

i had almost a week long flub in my diet and exercise routines. i just felt like i couldn't carry the ball this week. probably because the mental reprieve from, "what the fuck am i doing with my life?" was over now that gil's parents left and our mini vacation ended. then my trainer cancelled on tuesday, and i just couldn't seem to muster the will to get my ass to the gym without someone there holding me accountable. so yesterday, i finally went again.

anyway, today i was supposed to go to the bosu class my trainer teaches, but i am seriously exhausted. i was also really tired yesterday during my workout, and couldn't figure out why. i started worrying that maybe i was pregnant, but then i woke up with a sore throat and remembered that i spent a lot of time coughing last night. so... i think i'm just a little sick. this is a great excuse to sit around, drink tea and play warcraft. plus my trainer helped relieve some of my guilt about slacking off, saying that i burn way more calories doing nothing now than i did before and am looking way stronger. i FEEL about a million times stronger, too. i do wish the feeling would be more evident in my appearance, but i guess i need some patience with that. 10 lbs is a healthy weight loss for 2 months. YAY!

i am, however, REALLY fatigued today. i would write more, but it hurts to hold my arms at the keyboard and sit up straight. some good news is that i MAY be getting a part time gig at meghan's company, which i am THRILLED about. seriously... you have no idea how stoked i would be.

peace out.

freakin' on: my superiority

sometimes i get the idea that people don't call me for interviews cause i'm just too good. like they post ads on craigslist for PAs, executive assistants, office coordinators, runners... and when they actually get a response from someone who is educated, experienced and articulate, they simply can't deal.

i'm going to go pout about my unemployment now.

on the plus side, i am going to be getting a dishwasher. that is rather exciting. maybe i can get away with not washing dishes until then.

calgon take me away!

freakin' on: lack of recent freakin'

HI!!! how are you?!?! so funny running in to you here. it's good to see you again. wow, it's been quite a while since we talked, hasn't it? so... what's new with you? REALLY?!?! wow that is great news. i'm so happy to hear things are going so well.

me? oh you know... same old, same old. the job hunt? sucks as usual. but then again, what do you expect? i guess i'm not trying THAT hard. plus part of me probably doesn't even want to work. now, don't get me wrong. it isn't that i don't want to have a job or whatever, i just don't really look forward to going back to the 9-6 office thing. know what i mean?

anyway..... oh gil? he's great! things are really good on that front. his parents just came to visit last week. HAHA... yeah a visit from the out-laws. you crack me up!

so yeah, that's about it... what am i going to do? well, gee... i don't know. that's a good question. i guess i'm probably going to start temping next week. oh you mean for the long haul? i don't know. people keep saying i should go back to school. they are probably right. but who knows? i'm not even clear on what i want to study.

so... are you gonna watch the oscars this weekend? yeah, me neither. although i do kind of like to see what people are wearing.

anyway, i kind of have to go. we're going to arizona tomorrow, so i probably should start packing. yeah, should be fun. so... hopefully i'll run in to you again soon! ok cool. you too. bye!