last night i dreamed that my family (mom, brother, uncle, cousin...to be precise) and i were living in a mansion in baghdad and the city was being bombed by the US. my mom was refusing to leave saying that our own country wasn't going to hurt us, and she wouldnt believe that they didn't know we were there. anyway, we could see all these explosions happening outside our window in the distance and they were getting closer and closer. each explosion was a different color and we were standing on this HUGE marble balcony watching it all. meanwhile there are several iraqis running around impoverished and panicing in the streets. then suddenly a missle is dropped right in front of the balcony, but instead of blowing everything up, it ends up being a WATER bomb, that somehow lights up bright orange and red (kind of like the volcano at the mirage) and is filled with near-boiling water. so we get splashed with all this hot water. we decide that the US is sending these water bombs as warnings to get the eff out of there. my mom is finally convinced. then i wake up. weird.

what could it all mean?

i'm all outta love...

...i'm so lost without you.

are you lost without me? probably not. since i was only blogging once a day, i'm sure the lack of blogging has not interrupted your life. although, sometimes one or two of you will politely suggest, "WHY DONT YOU FUCKING BLOG SOMETHING?" to which i will reply, "go away, i hate you."

so, i was all outta blog love for a while. couldn't think of a damn thing to write. maybe all my freaking out was temporarily subdued for reasons that i can't get into here because the fcc has really been riding me lately... and they're not the only one... BA DUM DUM CHING! oh i crack me up.

anyway, i'm back blogging today because my job is making me want to shoot myself in the foot. either that or just stub it REALLY hard to the point where it shatters all the bones up to my ankle and i end up in the hospital for days zonked out on morphine. that sounds much better than sitting here hour after hour wondering, "WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOING?" i've stopped caring 100% about this job, and it is starting to have a real adverse effect on the rest of my life. i'm almost to the point where i cry every morning before i get out of my car. the only other time that has happened was when i worked for 2 or 3 days in the nordstrom shoe department at the grove. at least it has taken a year and a half for that to happen with this job.

anyway, i'm on the hunt for new employment.

on a positive note, i rode in the elevator with michael eisner yesterday and i'm sure he feels worse about his job than i do about mine. oh wait... he makes like one billion times what i do... so never mind. i guess there is no positive note.

but i don't even believe in jeebus.

this morning indra asked me what i am giving up for lent. ummmm... excuse me... not only am i not catholic, but jesus isn't even my personal savior.

can someone explain to me what lent is about anyway? what is giving up beer or chocolate for a few weeks really going to do for you except for maybe help you shed some junk from your trunk? is it supposed to cleanse your sins? if you're catholic, can't you just go to confession and have your sins forgiven anyway? where's the need in sacrificing anything? man, if i were catholic, i'd sin all over the place and then confess it up. no skin off my teeth there.

i hate organized religion.

anyway, i told indra i was giving up diet coke for lent. that lasted about 5 hours. please don't tell god.

oh blog it!

i couldn't think of anything to write yesterday. i can't today either, but i am so consumed by the guilt of not blogging yesterday that i feel i must. anyway, i went to the dmv this morning to replace the license plate i lost about a year ago in an accident. fun stuff. i really believe that the dmv may be the worst place to work. definitely worse than the post office. the only thing that wasn't a shade of gray in that place was a giant purple banner with multi-color confetti that said "CASUAL DRESS DAY!" how depressing.

i have to drive to phoenix tonight. i'm hoping to get out of here at a decent time so the drive doesn't take 10 hours.

on another note, i have realized that i have ZERO money management skills. it truly burns a hole in my pocket. even if i made millions, i would probably still figure out some way to be month to month. maybe one day i will get my act together. that would be nice. until then, i guess i'll just continue to be stressed and depressed by the mean green.

the anticipation is killing me

6:00pm pacific standard time just seems too far away!!!

my therapist dumped me.

i can't effing believe it. i should have saved the message so i could hear again exactly what she said. something to the effect of, "i don't think you need to come in on a weekly basis, and i think you know that. why don't you give me a call if something specific comes up?"

maybe i should work on not trying to impress my therapist with my self-awareness and logical thinking. maybe i should try to be more disfunctional and irrational so we would have more to talk about. most of the time i will just kind of blab about something briefly, and then she'll say, "well, it sounds like everything is going well." lmao... ummm okay. thanks for your input. glad we could clear all that up.

wtf? i mean, it will save me the $20 copay every week, but could i really be THAT well-adjusted? it seems so unlikely. everyone knows i'm totally, 100% crazy. i think i should probably be locked up. LOOK AT THE TITLE OF MY BLOG FOR CRISSAKE!!!!!oh shit... i just realized that i am a psychological hypochondriac. god help me, it's worse than i thought.

anyway, now that she's kicked me to the curb, i'm certain to plunge into a pit of despair. in fact, i think i can feel it coming on now. oh wait... no... that's just my boss calling.

if the elevator should become inoperative, do not become alarmed. press the button marked "alarm."

this is the sign posted in my apartment building's elevator. seriously. it reminds me of some comedian who did a bit about how he saw this mom screaming at the top of her lungs at her kids, "CALM DOWN!!!" absurd.