xmas card etiquette in may

so in the shower this morning and leading into blow drying my hair, i was thinking. (actually, i guess i do a lot of thinking at that time. wonder what that's about?) anyway, i don't know how i started thinking about this... maybe it is because i only saw 1 day's worth of snow this past winter (i'll ignore the fact that said snow was largely responsible for costing me $300). who knows? so i was thinking how nice it would be to have a white christmas. i know it is may 19th and summer hasn't even really started, but i really like christmas and the cold white stuff (get your mind out of the gutter... ok, maybe you didn't think anything dirty. i'll try and get my mind out of the gutter.) maybe i like snow because i've never really lived in it and only had to shovel it once. the other time i had to move snow around i got to use one of those motorized blower thingies and thought it was pretty fun.

so then i started thinking about christmas cards and at what point in your life you start sending them. i've devised a christmas card etiquette timeline that i think should be universally practiced.

- start sending when you get married.

- start including photos upon the birth of your first child. ok... i guess not EXACTLY upon the birth. no one needs to see a crotch shot of junior crowning... although i would definitely give you props if you were ballsy/hilarious enough to do so.

- start writing those stupid "year in summary" letters when your kids reach their teenage years and start having lives of their own as a desperate attempt to prove to your friends and family that you have any fucking idea what your kids are ACTUALLY doing. note to clueless parents: julie isn't REALLY spending all her after school time in SAT prep... she's probably blowing some 19 year old jr. college pot dealer in the back of his mustang.

- stop including photos when your children start refusing to pose for the annual photo (this usually happens post-college... though you may be able to sneak in a few more years before your kids realize that the "candid" photos you are taking on thanksgiving aren't without motive.)

- stop writing those stupid "year in summary" letters when your kids get married and have to start sending cards of their own...you'd look pretty pathetic if you were writing about someone else's family.

- RETIRE!!! pass go! collect social sec...oh wait, nevermind. however, this is a good time to start including photos again. especially if you and your partner (this is a politically correct blog) travel alot. this is when you get to really brag about the fortunes you amassed during your working years and how you are blowing them on alaskan cruises and whatnot. the good news is that no one thinks you are bragging at this point because they are simply excited that their peers are alive and mobile. you can also opt to start up the stupid "year in summary" letter again. now instead of talking about your kids, you can talk about how often you see your grandchildren and what kind of blood pressure medication you are on.

- stop sending cards when your blood pressure medication starts giving you the shakes and you can no longer sign your name legibly.